When the Ex Comes Crawling Back: How to Deal

Businessman Crawling on Road --- Image by © Josh Gosfield/Corbis

Image by © Josh Gosfield/Corbis

It’s a common scenario. You’re over the breakup…In fact, you’ve been over it for quite some time now. Maybe you’ve dated someone else and maybe he has too. You finally see your life as whole. Your future is wide open, undefined by that boy or how much the relationship changed you–for better or for worse. But then, it happens. You receive a call, followed by a text explaining the reasons behind his sudden urge for contact. “Hey, was just thinking about you and wanted to see how you were doing! I hope you can forgive me.” If you’re as cold-hearted as I am, his number was probably deleted long ago, so you pause for a second and wait for the last four digits to sink in.

It hits you, and you know.

The feelings that wash over you in the next few minutes depend on the amount of time passed and the relationship itself. Nevertheless, you find yourself deep in a pile of unsortable emotions.

Mine bordered on anger at his audacity to think he could ever become a part of my life again, complemented by glee at getting to have the last word. One more chance to tell him why and how he hurt me, and that I never wanted anything remotely like him again. Ouch. As I pressed send, I realized I was not coping in an adult way. I was petty and slightly cruel, even if what I said was true and presented in a respectful way.

It felt good to know that I was stillwanted, and that I wasn’t replaceable like I had feared I was for so long. Everyone wants to be the one that got away. But the fact of the matteris, unless you have plans for a friendship or plans to get back together, talking doesn’t help. Getting the last word in will only make you dwell on that broken relationship. Will make you dwell on what he did wrong or what you did wrong, and all the painful memories that follow the dissolution two persons’ happiness together. So don’t do it. Take a breath, and delete the text. Better yet, block the number. Moving on means not taking any steps backward. So keep your chin up and keep looking forward. That last word isn’t worth it, I promise.


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